Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
