Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
