mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
