I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
