evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
