matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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