tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
