Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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