Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(216): View more from Ohio

i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.

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(949): View more from California

I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.

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(727): View more from Florida

Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?

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(704): View more from North Carolina

i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I smell like Captain Morgan and tears

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(348): View more from

I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.

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(925): View more from California

dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup

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(415): View more from California

Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.

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