He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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