So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Drake has all the answers
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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