walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
