Three words: puerto rican gang bang
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
is wine microwaveable?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
