Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
