i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
