We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
