This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
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he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
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Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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