and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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