my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
