He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
