we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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