You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
