Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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