Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
