If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
