Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Randomize
