Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
how drunk are you?
Several
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
