it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
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just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
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You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize