She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
