So drunk its hurt
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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