I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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