I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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