Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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