Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
