Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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