Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
