umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
