Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I want a musical about memes.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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