I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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