Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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