I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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