i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
