the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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