i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
