Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
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