So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
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It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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