3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Just fell off a train. Bad.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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