she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Hippo gnu deer
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
