I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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