am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Vodka?
Forever.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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