The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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