Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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