All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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