the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
