i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
