Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
