Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
