You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
