From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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