is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
please come you make the beer taste better
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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