I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
