this boner is exhausting
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
