matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
