I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
