a queef is a wish your heart makes.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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