You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
